am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
