I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
