I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
