My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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