spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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