3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
