I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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