Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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