I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
