It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize