so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
