Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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