hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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