I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So drunk its hurt
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
