Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
