I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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