He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
