I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
