R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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