we have officially lost it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Come see our sink grown plant.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
