I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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