ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
