4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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