i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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