I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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