We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
