im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
