I think i peed on brittanys purse
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
