we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
