my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We need to get me chipped asap
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize