singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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