How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
