i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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