My underwear smells like fireworks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
