lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
