Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize