I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
