if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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