Whod you bang
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
