How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
