She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am puke
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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