she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
