she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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