I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
