haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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