god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize