Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize