Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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