hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
