You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He has the fingertips of a God
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
