Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
