...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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