just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
