After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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