he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so let's talk penis.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
