pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
