No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
