Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize