is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
