no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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