Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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