oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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