How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
