I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize