you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
