Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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