found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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