you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
