I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
