I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
