Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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