Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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