Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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