how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
