guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
