hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
