At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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