I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
