wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
