I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
