There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
