Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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