got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
