Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
