You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
