can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
