We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
