there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize